Arguments have their roots in conflicting opinions of the people involved. When two people have contrary views on a particular subject matter, issue, idea, etc.; when they discuss, argument will surely erupt. Something worth mentioning is that whenever an argument begins, those involved will lose their sense of reasoning. Their ears will be blocked. None of them will listen to the other. Everyone will just passionately defend his or her opinion; and most times, you cannot predict how far the other person will go to defend his or her view.
When a discussion is gradually turning into an argument between you and your partner, tactically withdraw by keeping silent. There is no need pushing further. Sadly, most people don’t like to withdraw. They want to win in the argument. They want to show how schooled or learned they are. That is a very dangerous path. Pocket your ego and give peace a chance. You can never win your partner with an argument. You are not in the court. There is no judge presiding over you. Deliberate withdrawal is the best thing to do. If you can no longer endure it, tactically excuse the person and leave that environment for a while.
In the heat of an argument, those involved usually lose guard over their words. Arguments always pull out the wrong words from people. When that happens, it can leave a lasting feeling of hurt in the heart of your partners. It could also breed a lasting atmosphere of hostility between partners. Strong uncontrolled arguments can cause physical combats, and could even lead to separation of partners. Sadly, most arguments have not really solved or resolved the matters at hand. It only makes the atmosphere too tense and unfavourable for mutual understanding.
When the sparks of an argument has burst into flames, you cannot avoid making statements that will hurt the other person. When you have been possessed by the passion of defending your view, you may not care much about the words you utter. In such state of mind, you will only utters words that you will regret later. The truth is that you can never avoid careless occurrences whenever you go into heated arguments with your partner. Thus, the best thing to do is to avoid it by all means. If that relationship is important to you, why tear it apart before realizing the need to mend it?
According to statistics, 25% – 32% of marriages fail due to endless arguments. That figure may mean nothing to you until you become a victim, and join the bandwagon of those who destroyed their marriages because of frequent, unnecessary and endless arguments. Remember, the Bible also says that two people cannot walk together except they agree (Amos 3:3).
Again, according to statistics, 75% of failed marriages are due to lack of commitment. You may be wondering; what relationship does commitment has with arguments?
Well, the truth is that frequent, unnecessary and endless arguments can affect someone’s commitment to a relationship. Arguments can stir up hostility and resentment that can break the bond of love, peace and unity in the home. Hostility and resentment can affect the commitment of a partners to a relationship.
When you continually have a contrary opinion, the other person starts feeling uncomfortable with your ‘flawless and beautiful’ opinions. Soon, the person starts seeing you as someone who is not standing with him or her. Thus, they will feel insured. When they no longer feel secured, they will withdraw and coil into their shell. They will hardly speak out even when it is necessary, and that is very dangerous for your relationship.
When your partner can no longer say things due to the fear of argument, he or she may not speak out even when it is a very important matter. Some may look for another person outside to express their thoughts; because those thoughts will surely be expressed. The most dangerous stage is when partners can no longer talk freely about the things that bug them. Meaning, the communication between them has been destroyed.
When there is poor communication in a relationship, there will be misunderstandings, which will give birth to more heated endless arguments. If these things are not properly handled and managed, they can lead to serious issues that can destroy relationships and even marriages.
Anytime you notice that your discussion with your partner or spouse is heading towards an argument, ask yourself the following simple questions. Is this issue more important than my relationship? Does this matter affect my relationship at this moment? Will my partner accept my view or opinion at this moment? If your answer to those three questions is ‘No” then, strive hard and tactically avoid it. There is a wise saying that says, ‘Clever people solve problems, but wise people avoid problems.’