It is very easy to focus on other people’s mistakes and flaws instead of focusing on their good qualities and their good works. Most times, we allow our reasoning to be clouded by the things we want that our partners have not done. We forget the good things that they have done for us in the past at such desperate times. Consequently, we find ourselves over-reacting and magnifying their flaws and their mistakes. Sometimes, we even go to the extent of allowing their mistakes and their flaws destroy the beautiful relationship we have built for several years.
Before you continue reading, take a pause and look within and you will see several relationships that have been shattered by just one incident of unfaithfulness or weakness? Look around and you will see several bosom friends that have become enemies after just one quarrel? If you have ears, you might have heard about husbands and wives that have been separated because of one shortcoming or the other? It is not a breaking news that we all have broken up or given up on several relationships because our trust was crushed at one point or the other in those relationships. We allowed the flaws and the mistakes of our friends to determine the fate of those relationships.
We must make up our minds to look away from the flaws and the mistakes of our partners if we want to have successful relationships with them. Human beings can only strive to do better but the idea of attaining perfection in what they do will continuously remain as an illusion forever. There will always be something that should have been done better. And the truth is that mistakes are inevitable. There is no doubt that sometimes, you will also find yourself making some terrible mistakes just like the people you wanted to crucify in the past. Therefore, we must learn to remove our focus from the flaws and the mistakes of our partners.
This does not in any way mean that you should not expect your partner to measure up with the trust and the expectations placed on him or her. This does not also suggest that we should continue to give room to people who deliberately take advantage of us. The truth is that to whom much is given, much is also expected. Nevertheless, we must be on the guard not to allow our expectations to define the fate of our relationships with our partners. We must create space to accommodate the mistakes and the flaws or our partners, so that if our expectations are not met, we will not become disillusioned and dissatisfied with the relationship.
Many people make the mistake of losing sight of the beautiful qualities and the good works of their partners after spending several years with them. Instead of focusing and appreciating the beautiful qualities and the good works of their partners, they suddenly shift their focus on the flaws and the mistakes made by their partners. They find themselves complaining and magnifying the insignificant flaws and mistakes of their partners, which they have accepted and ignored years ago, and still accepts and ignores from other people.
Haven’t you seen someone who never saw anything wrong about the dressing pattern of his or her partner, suddenly becoming dissatisfied about it after several years, and then complaining about it as though it means everything to him or her? Haven’t you seen someone who never complained about the height or the weight of his or her partner suddenly seeing that as an important issue after spending several years together with the person? Haven’t you seen people who have been in a relationship for several years suddenly become critical about the same qualities and features that they have appreciated years ago?
Haven’t you seen a man who complained and quarreled with his wife for putting too much salt in his meal when she had not done that mistake for the past five years of their marriage? Haven’t you seen a woman who quarreled with her husband for returning home from work late, when such had not occurred for the past five years of their marriage? Haven’t you seen a man who beat up his wife for talking back at him when she had not done that for the past ten years of their marriage? Haven’t you seen a woman who abused her husband of being foolish because he lost at a time in the same business that he has been successful for more than twenty years?
You will be amazed when you find out what these flaws and mistakes could breed in a relationship. Years ago, they appreciated and valued the beautiful qualities and the good works of their partners. Years ago, the same beautiful qualities and the same good works were their major expectations and all that they ever desired. Years ago, they were satisfied with the same qualities and the same works of their partners. Nevertheless, as the years passed by, their list of expectation continue to grow secretly without their notice. Soon, that list of expectation has grown into such an unending one. But since they have been clouded by the veil of their holy perfection, these people have not realized that no one can fulfill their long list of expectation, including they themselves.
The easiest way to deal with your partner’s mistakes is to remind yourself of the good things that he or she has done in the past. If that does not deal with the matter at hand, remind yourself of all the beautiful qualities that your partner possesses. The best way to silent all the voices of criticisms brought against your partner by your thoughts is for you to remind yourself of your own flaws and mistakes. In addition, you need to remind yourself that no one is perfect, and that includes you and your partner.
If mere remembrance does not work, take a pen and a piece of paper. Use a ruler to divide the piece of paper into two equal halves. Write down all the beautiful qualities and the things you like about your partner on one side of the half. When you have written down everything you can remember, go ahead and also write down on the other half of the paper the things you don’t like about your partner that you consider as flaws. If you can do that, you will suddenly appreciate the amazing personality you have chosen as a partner.
There are several beautiful qualities in every human person that outweighs their flaws and weaknesses. Most people just have one major flaw or weakness that seems to scare people. Some may just have two major areas of weaknesses, visible to those that come around them. Nevertheless, in other areas of life, they might be so amazing. The truth is that you saw those amazing aspects of their life that was why you were attracted to them. Now that you have brought them into your life, you have to make up your mind to accommodate them.
Life may not give you everything. That is why in every relationship, you may find that one partner could be good at managing resources; the other could be good in business, providing money for the home. One could be good at fixing domestic chores, the other could be good in the kitchen, etc. These things don’t happen by chance. We were given such unique abilities for the good of the relationship. Thus, we should learn to use those abilities for the benefit of the relationship. Sitting on the chair of expectation all the time may only contribute to our disappointments and frustrations in our relationships.
Remember, every relationship has its own heavy burden of responsibility. They could be heavy but they are also bearable. They could be burdens but you could see them as nothing, because they cannot be compare to the benefits of having that person as your partner. Every human being will constantly remain more valuable than the burden they make us bear. Can you really compare the burden of having and raising children to the ease of not having one? If we can only look away from the mistakes, weaknesses and flaws of our partners, but focus on their beautiful qualities and their good works; we will find it much easier to forgive and tolerate them whenever they fall short from time to time.