Most of us find it difficult to separate disagreements from our relationships. Whenever we have any disagreement with our partner, we allow it to affect, influence and define the fate of our relationship with the person. Some develop cold feelings about the person, while others could even stop talking to the person for a while. We must learn and strive to separate people from the disagreements we have with them.
Most of us disagree with our brothers and sisters, and even parents on several issues continually. Nevertheless, we accept them the way they are. We also disagree with our bosom friends on certain issues about life but they still remain our friends. We don’t allow those disagreements to affect the relationship we have built with our friends? We accept them the way they are on certain areas of life and live with them accordingly.
Every disagreement in a relationship is just a clash of opinions or views. Notice, every disagreement is just a clash of opinions or views. If your opinions and views about a particular subject of life want to clash, allow them to clash until they crash. However don’t allow your relationship to get involved in that clash that is destined to crash.
You may want to ask ‘How?’
If that is your question, then, answer the following questions. How did you handle debates when you were in school? Did you allow it to affect the relationship you have built with my classmates? Did you develop grudges against your friends in school when they win your team during debates? Did you ever break up with a friend who won your team in a debate? How did you treat those students who won your team in a school debate?
We must learn to view every disagreement with the viewpoint of two friends that have been made to oppose and propose a motion in a school debate. The two friends are ‘forced’ to defend their stand passionately against each other during the debate. However, when the debate is over, everything ends. The two friends live their lives normally as though nothing happened. The truth is that nothing happened. It was just a clash of opinions or views.
The teacher of the two friends might have ‘forced’ the debate on the two friends when they went to school. In your own case, Life, who is the great teacher, might have forced it on both of you, by stirring up those different views, opinions and perceptions about that subject of discussion, so deal with it as you have always done when you were in school.
Remember, Life is a school. So enjoy the ‘debate’ just like you did when you were in school! You can defend your opinions passionately, if you want, but when the drama is over, endeavour to put it behind and live your lives normally as though nothing happened. Don’t attach so much importance to those disagreements or ‘debates’ to the point of giving it the privilege of influencing your relationship.
The mistake most people do is that they don’t know how to stop, and when to stop. They just keep pushing. Even when the ‘debate’ is turning into something else, they will not give up. They will not withdraw. They want to win. They are so desperate to win in the ‘debate’. They prefer to win the ‘debate’ and destroy the relationship they have built for years. The other person must take their opinion. Thus, they just keep on pushing until that simple matters turns into a different thing.
Most people don’t know that in this unique ‘debate’ life offers, you don’t push too hard to win always because nobody will give you any trophy for winning all the time. Nobody will commend you for winning just like they did when you were in school. There is no winner in this ‘debate’ because it is not about winning, rather it is just a simple test that will reveal your ability to accommodate each other. In this ‘debate’ there is no absolutely right or correct person because being right or correct is just a personal viewpoint or perception. Both of you are correct and right, because you are looking at the issue from two different points of view.
When two people, who are in a relationship, have a disagreement, it is aimed at developing their ability to understand each other and accommodate each other. The disagreement is just about making the other person see things the way you see them. Therefore, your focus should be on making the other person understand your views about the subject matter. So air your views! When you have communicated your views, allow the other person to make the choice of shifting.
Sometimes, the person might not shift at the moment. In such a case, both of you have to be matured enough to respect each other’s opinion or viewpoint, and be willing to adjust to live with each other irrespective of the contrary views you may have. Do not make the mistake of always expecting the other person to shift totally to your side. Develop an attitude of accepting and accommodating the person with his or her views on that matter. If you can be patient with each other, time will sort out your differences.
Remember that Life will always stir up this unique ‘debate’ between you and your partner. It is a test of your maturity in accommodating each other and other people. Nevertheless, Life has a way of making people adapt to the things they have never accepted in the past. Sometimes, the only thing that is required for us to accept those things is knowledge. If those clashing views will not breed crime against humanity, just be patient. If both of you can be patient with each other, those disagreeing issues will disappear with time.